Tim hasn’t been well this last week. He’s lost 10 pounds in seven days, is eating very little, and he’s been extremely weak. Rather than continue with the phase-in process of the Stivarga, the decision was made to back down to two a day in an effort to stabilize his blood pressure and increase his strength.
So this past weekend the kids and I did something I never thought I would do. You see I usually put my Christmas stuff up the day after Thanksgiving. But this year other things were going on and it just didn’t happen. Between golf tournaments, playoff football games, and Tim starting a new treatment plan, I found myself almost halfway through December with no Christmas decorations up. Fall leaves and pumpkins still graced my entryway and side tables. Saturday was the first day that the kids and I had no plans. None of us felt very well and getting into the attic and getting boxes and boxes of Christmas decorations down did not sound fun at all. It really just stressed me out. So the kids and I loaded up in the car, went to Hobby Lobby, and bought a 4 foot rustic looking tree straight off the display. I literally unplugged it and put it in the basket. A few picks of pinecones, berries, and glittered sticks and our tree was done. Abby did manage to get in the attic to get down a tree skirt and stockings - I didn’t even get my nativity out. Instead I was satisfied with the nativity wrap around a Scentsy warmer.
I must admit there is a whole lot of guilt in this. I’ve worried about what the kids would feel, what their friends who come over will think. I’ve been cautious about letting people stop by for fear of judgment. But God has spoken very clearly to me and more than anything I am learning to give myself grace. God did not send his Son for us to stress over all of the trappings that come with a commercialized holiday. This season we are trying to step away and make it about the joy and salvation that was gifted us through His birth that Holy night many years ago.
This is in no way judgement on those who’ve surrounded themselves with Christmas cheer and all that decorating for Christmas can be. In fact, I am happy for you and am still a little bit envious. We just know this Christmas it’s not for us, and that is ok. If you are feeling the pressure of meausuring up to others, give yourself grace to be exactly where the Lord wants you to be. Seek Him and ask Him to meet you where you are. Continue to pray for us - for cancer to be gone, for Tim to feel better, for rest for all of us. Most importantly, pray with us that we will seek the Lord and that people will see Jesus in us this Christmas season.
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| For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders . And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6 |
