Last Thursday morning, Tim and I left the house just after 6:00 to head to The Woodlands for lab work and a follow up with Dr. Nelson. For those of you who know me well, you know I’m a talker. Tim says riding in the car is open season for me to talk non-stop about nothing. Thursday morning this was not the case. I don’t think either of us said much on the ride down there. It was an unusually quiet ride.
We had decided that there was no need for me to go in to the lab while he had his blood draws, so I dropped him off at the front door of St Luke’s and went to park. I hadn’t even pulled in to a parking spot and he was already out. This meant we had an hour to sit and wait before we were to see the doctor. Now if it were 10:00 am and not 6:45, we could have found several ways to pass our time, but instead we found ourselves sitting in car in the parking garage while we waited. Once again, neither of us had much to say. We were both nearly crippled with fear, but neither was willing to talk about it. Tim later admitted that he felt deep down that the PET scan was going to show that the cancer had spread to his bones. My fear was that it was in every organ. Yet neither of us were willing to admit it out loud. After having been together for almost 28 years, there are very few times that we have been unwilling or unable to talk about whatever’s bothering us. But this time, we couldn’t. I carry this metal ring of notecards that I’ve written verses on everywhere I go. Most are about God being in control, not being afraid...things like that. I let go of all of that and allowed Satan to take hold of my worries
The time arrived to go in and I’m not sure how I put one foot in front of the other. I remember clutching my red binder (yes, a post is coming soon) and making our way up to the 4th floor. I was so caught up in my intermittent worries and prayers that I actually went and sat in the wrong waiting area while Tim checked in. .
Once we were in the room, the dietician came in and I clung to everything she said. Much like my need to organize everything in my binder, I felt like this was something I could control. I am constantly reminded that the Lord is in control and I know this, but there is still a fleshly part of me that likes that false sense of control. We were able to be very specific when answering her questions because I had documented everything in my binder, so we learned a lot from her and hope to maintain, if not gain, weight and hopefully tolerate the chemo better.
The nurse was next and she shared a copy of the lab work from the morning, but we didn’t even have time to compare them before Dr. Nelson came in. He spent time asking about how Tim had felt, how he’d tolerated the chemo, and any side effects he’d noticed. He told us he wanted to add an additional drug to the regimen on Friday. It’s not chemo but is a targeted vasculation drug to open up blood vessels to allow the chemo to work better and hopefully close off overactive blood vessels near the cancer sites.
At this point we were both anxiously waiting for him to address the CT of the chest and the PET scan, but neither wanting to say anything. He then transitioned to the papers in his hand. He started with the lab work and said, “Your labs look good.” He continued by saying, “Neither the CT of the chest or the PET scan show anything that we weren’t already aware of and treating.” At this point I think we both exhaled a huge sigh of relief. It’s like we were finally able to breathe. The cancer is contained to the rectum and liver at this point. This isn’t good news, but it’s definitely not more bad news.
As we made our way back down and out to the parking garage, we both were able to express our earlier fears and felt a nenewed since of fight and purpose. We both know that this is a long fight, but one we can endure only if we are steadfast in our relationship with God, honest with each other (learned from this one), and willing to lean on our family and friends when we need to.
Continue to pray with us that the chemo works and he tolerates it well. My verse to memorize this week is Isaiah 45:6-7. That men may know from the rising to the setting sun that there is no one besides Me. I am the LORD, and there is no other. Hopefully this will remind me that I have NO control and don’t need any!
1 comment:
Prayers🙏
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