V Week

If you know us very well, then you know that if you come to our house we are most likely watching ESPN or at least some other channel that has a football game, basketball game, baseball game, car racing, or golf on. Jim Valvano and many others are memorialized and honored on ESPN and through basketball games each year to raise funds for cancer research. This week is V Week and we are seeing the videos from a new perspective. Some things that have stood out to us:

1. “Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up.” These words of Valvano’s were one of the first things I said to Tim after the diagnosis. I remember telling him in the car on the way home from the doctor that he couldn’t give up. The kids and I need him to keep on fighting.

2. “Cancer is just a speed bump in life that makes us slow down.” Tim pointed out that his diagnosis has definitely put things in a different light. I know of a couple of people who have called Tim an Energizer bunny.  He’s always been one to always be doing something until he just couldn’t physically go anymore.  Well now he can’t keep going. He’s tired, sick some days, and his eight hours of infusion forces him to be confined to a hospital bed.  He doesn’t have a choice but to slow down.

3. Stuart Scott said, “Fight like hell until you can’t fight anymore. Then lay down and rest and let someone else fight for you.”  We had no idea how many people would be supporting us through this journey and are willing to fight for us when he can’t and I’m just too tired.  I can’t say enough how blessed we are to live and work in this community.

4. Cancer research is saving lives. Because of previous research, trials, and studies, Tim is being treated with a regimen of chemo drugs that has proven to work and is working in his body.  Tim had a follow up scan on Monday and we went to the doctor yesterday to get the results. The report showed that the tumor and lesions on his liver are all responding to the treatment and have decreased in size.  Praise the Lord! At this time, Dr. Nelson is presenting Tim's case to the tumor board at MD Anderson within the next few weeks to see if he is a candidate for a liver resection.  Until we receive further information regarding this, he will continue with the same treatment plan.  He will receive his 5th round of chemo tomorrow and is scheduled for a 6th round on December 15.

5. God is still in control.  In the coming days, join us in praying specifically that all cancer be eradicated from his body and that Tim would be able to manage the side effects of chemo that is building up in his body.

To watch the two videos that inspired this post click on the links below.

https://www.facebook.com/ESPN/videos/1875829912463756/

https://www.facebook.com/ESPN/videos/1875829912463756/

Thankful and Blessed

In our 21 years of marriage, we have experienced ups and downs and often wondered why the Lord didn't answer our prayers in the way we wanted.  We always knew He had plans for us even when they didn't align with our desires.  This was never more evident than when he lead Tim to HISD Transportation.  This move was never on our radar, but we now know that He was leading us to a group of people for just this moment.  There is not a more giving or caring group than the staff and bus drivers at transportation.  Over the past five years, we have seen them give time, food, and money every time one of their own was in need.  Now was our time. Despite our wishes, they organized and carried out a fish fry benefit to help cover Tim's medical expenses. These people worked tirelessly while still ensuring that the students were picked up before school and delivered home after school.  We were overwhelmed by their selflessness and by the outpouring of support by those in our community and there are no words to express our gratitude.

Now for the update...chemo treatments have continued as scheduled and we are at the end of the original eight-week timeline. Chemo has not been easy, but Tim has handled it much better than we could have ever expected so far.  The worst side effects have been severe abdominal cramping, cold sensitivity, and fatigue.  While he's on the pump on the weekends, he's also learned that "chemo brain" is no joke.  He's learned to manage the side effects as best he can and continues to do as much as he can at work, at home, and with the kids.  At his last doctor's appointment, his tumor marker was down again and liver function appears to be normal. This is all good news.  He will have another CT scan on Monday and we expect to get the results and the next treatment plan on Wednesday. We are prepared for another chemo regimen, as they have already scheduled time at the infusion center for Friday, but we will wait and see.

For reasons we wish we weren’t having to experience, we are truly celebrating this Thanksgiving. You see, 69 days ago, Tim received the phone call telling him they had found a mass. It feels like much longer than two short months ago and really puts life into perspective.  We know that all of our time on earth is but a blink in God's eternity and we must not take our moments for granted.

Tired vs Weary

Let me first say that I have learned true community and accountability over the last few years from a small group of women that was divinely put together.  We have spent time in Bible study, prayer, mourning together, belly laughing, and sweet fellowship.  We’ve experienced new jobs, new marriages, family struggles, and now cancer.  These ladies encourage me, support me, and call me out when I’m not being honest with myself.

Last night I made myself go meet with my small group - even though I just wanted to go home and hide away from the world.  As we were walking to the building where we meet, I commented, “I’m tired of being tired.”  Wrong thing to say - or maybe the right thing.  My friend Christine point blank asked if I was tired or “weary.”  Hmmmm.

I have not been able to stop processing this idea since then and know that’s it’s definitely weariness.   Here’s what I feel like the Lord has given me.

1.  Being tired is more about physicality.  That doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect the mind, but it roots itself in physical fatigue and exhaustion. At the end of a long day, I’m tired.  After exercising or working in the yard, I’m tired. My tired body and mind crave rest - sleep.

2.  Being weary is about your soul and mind.  It’s rooted in emotions and thoughts.  When my mind and spirit are wrapped up in thinking about living life with cancer, I grow weary. When I think about people around me who are hurting, I grow weary.  When I think about a never ending to do list, I grow weary. My weary soul needs Jesus - prayer.

3.  I can’t allow weariness to take over to the point that I miss opportunities to serve others or follow the Spirit’s leading.  I have to lean into my shelter and refuge. I have to allow the Father to restore my soul so that I can pour into others for His glory.

What opportunities are you missing because you’re weary? “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29